25 Jun

For the past 10 years I have prided myself upon being an honest person.
It didn’t matter how bad things got; at least I was honest with myself.

If I exaggerate, I will likely pull myself up-
Actually wait, it was more like three, not five..”
I don’t lie to my partner, I don’t lie to my girlfriends, I don’t even lie to my pets.

Be Honest, and Tell the Truth

And then just the other day, someone enquired about my health.
Stevie was my childhood best friend, the girl everyone wanted to be; beautiful, talented.
Her mum vibrated beams of sunshine, and it shone through her children.
And I didn’t know how to reply.

The Moment of Truth

Because I didn’t want to lie, but I suddenly realised that I am almost always dishonest about my health.
The pain is always ‘not that bad‘, ‘better than it was yesterday‘.
Surely I’m ‘better than I was this time last month‘.
Deception to ease the mind of a worrying mother, a concerned lover.

The Whole Truth

When did I go from attempting silence so as to not disturb anybody sleeping,
to sneaking through the darkness to the microwave, stopping it just before it finishes
and slipping back into bed with the heated pack, just so no one will know?
Is it just so I don’t have to explain anymore?

An Inconvenient Truth

Why is it that I wait until I’m ready to faint before accepting help and taking a break?

Why do I lie to myself, and pretend I’m okay with being forced to live this way?


If I don’t get back to you, it’s not because I was too busy; didn’t care. I just didn’t want to lie.


One Response to “Truth”

  1. messyisme October 17, 2012 at 6:20 pm #

    After my husband got hurt in 2001, people kept asking if he felt better. I always feel guilty telling people there is no better, only worse. It’s a reality that people don’t expect although I find they are generally very kind once they understand.

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