Archive | July, 2012

Dear Daddy

7 Jul

“Children begin by loving their parents;
after a time they judge them;
rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.”

Oscar Wilde


I was eleven.

You told me your philosophy on life;

Everything bad that happens to you, you asked for it.’

I was confused.

What about people who get murdered?

They wanted to be punished.’

I do not ask my next question out loud.

What about all the innocent children, who never even knew what evil was?

This was the day I lost all hope that we would ever connect.

Up until that day, I was convinced that one day, we would be good friends.
You would be proud of me; I wouldn’t be a disappointment to you.
You would love me as much as you loved HER children.
You would stand up for me when she put me down and called me names.

This was the day I knew I could never let you know who I really was.
You would never know the quietly woven secrets in the colourful rug of my life.

When my personality changed, you proclaimed loudly to anyone who would listen to your psycho-babble that ‘adolescents often hide their true selves from family members.’

You told me I was a ‘Blue‘ personality, and to stop acting like a ‘Yellow‘.

Did you pretend you couldn’t see my pain, or are you actually so self involved that you genuinely didn’t?

Were you really so naive?

How could you tell a child, a survivor, that they asked for it themselves?

Who gave you the right to preach your immoral values to the world?

Who gave you the right to make me feel like I had caused it, it was my fault,
when all I was trying to do was understand what had gone wrong, how did this happen to me?