And so I sleep

1 Nov

I should have dressed up as a Zombie for Halloween. It would have been quite fitting, since that’s how I feel most of the time.

Exhaustion to an unbearable point currently rules my life. I do not leave the house. I shower rarely, as the energy wasted in the process makes this a luxury. I make plans for dinner that don’t happen, and again, and again. I live off toasted sandwiches, dry biscuits and water, the energy involved in preparing anything else is too much. In the privacy of my own home, I stagger between the walls and benches I lean on to stay upright. I crawl to the toilet and back to bed. I cry loudly when no one is around to hear, and slap on a smile when they are. When the sun is up, I am down.

And so I sleep.

I miss the warm bright sunshine, friendly faces and having someone to talk to. I miss curling up beside R at night, making his lunch, talking about our days.

I wonder if or when things will change, and how long I will be confined to these cool brick walls. A comfortable, lonely prison.

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